Stephanie's Thai Boxing Lesson * * * * * *

(I had penpal from Houston who had found my original 1995 Asia story online years before. When I went back for the 98 trip, she was on my list of that folk I Emailed my travel updates. When she took her trip in 1999 I got to enjoy her Email updates.

Here is her best chapter, from North Thailand.)

 

Okay, you are gonna love this one, but it'll probably end up being very long. However, after reading it I'm sure you will see it requires detail and creativity or you won't get the full appreciation for what I've been through today. In the 27.5 years that I have been on this Earth, today may be the strangest day I have ever experienced. Walking out the door this morning, I had every intention of going to Doi Suthep for the day. BUT on the way to the bus station, I changed my mind (which has been my identifying characteristic here in Thailand).

Instead of hiking up a hill for a view of Chiang Mai on a cloudy day, I thought a half day class in Thai boxing might be interesting. No doubt about that. I went in search of a boxing camp I had heard about and three miles later I found it at the end of a road with no signs in English anywhere.

Of course the class was full, but the owner said I could do a little if I came back in an hour. I went for lunch - which I got for free when I dazzled the owner and her son with the 15 Thai words I know.

I got back and the class had gotten together. It consisted of approximately six young Thai men and six farang (white, foreign) men - all at least six feet tall and double my weight. Then you have me in my Red Bull T-shirt, hiking shorts, leather sandals and bright blue nail polish on my toes (remember I was going to Doi Suthep leaving the hotel). My classmates were decked out in boxing T-shirts, bright silk boxing shorts and slick running shoes - each is training there anywhere from a week to a year. They took off for a warm-up jog which I was obviously unprepared for (both in clothing and in mindset), so I looked around the camp.

That's when I saw the best boxer there. He is a world famous Thai boxer and it just so happens that he is a transvestite and is nicknamed "Queen of the Ring". I read some newspaper articles on him hanging on the walls, but was mainly transfixed by the photos. Now I have been in Thailand long enough to become more or less accustomed to transvestites, but this ladyboy tripped me out. She had beautiful shaved legs, short red Thai boxing shorts, a red half top with puffed sleeves, black high heel shoes and full make-up. A THAI BOXER!!!

It was like a bad car accident - you don't really want to look, but you just can't help yourself. When he started to inspect his bikini wax, I decided I had seen enough.

So I bounced around with everyone else kicking a big, heavy bag feeling pretty secure that I had broken every bone in my foot but not wanting to say anything. I watched some moves and then much to my surprise was challenged by a woman (I'm pretty sure anyway) approximately three feet (one meter) tall. It just so happened that she was the owner of the camp and trainer of the "Queen of the Ring" and has a big fight in Tokyo next month - no chance of me being overmatched or anything.

So I climb into the ring and have never been so nervous about someone so short in my life. David and Goliath? A chapter right out of my life. This woman beat the crap out of me. For two 3-minute rounds, I was basically kicked and beat about the head such that I'm surprised I can still spell my own name. At one point in time I would have smiled if I wasn't concerned about protecting my teeth. In truth, it was pretty harmless, but I wasn't winning...that's for sure.

I thought the bad dream was over, but it turned into a nightmare. I was VERY prepared to get out of the ring and divert the attention of the entire camp away from me (which, knowing me, is rare) when the ladyboy decides she wants a shot at me. She climbs into the ring and takes off her high heels and on her toes she is sporting the same blue nail polish as me which he thought was hilarious. Knowing this guy wouldn't seriously hurt me and being an exhibitionist, I agreed. He insisted that I put on some Thai boxing shorts and that they play the crazy music that is played at a regular fight. So here I am standing in blue silk shorts about 40 sizes too big with strange music blaring in my ears, half the men in Chiang Mai crowded around the ring with goofy smiles and I'm about to box a world famous Thai transvestite. Why couldn't I have settled for a cooking class?

I told her I would only go for one round and he started bouncing around and I felt like I was in the WWF. We did that for a minute or so and then he kicked me very lightly in the stomach, kinda threw me on the ground, landed on top of me and started laughing hysterically as did everyone else (including me). He gave me a little bow and much to my relief got out of the ring. I talked with everyone for a few minutes and then got the heck out of there! There was still three hours left in the class and I was no longer a willing participant.

If I wasn't on medication, I would probably drink a bottle of Sang Thip (Thai) whiskey to help me deal with it all. It was definitely one of the moments in life where you say to yourself, "In all my life, this is one situation I never thought I would be in."

There's more to write about Chiang Mai, but I'm out of energy to write anymore. I've got to go pack because I'm leaving tomorrow, although I still have no idea where I'm going. I've been thinking about it for two days and change my mind every 15 minutes.

Hopefully I'll make it to the bus station this time. I think I'll just go there and flip a coin. So that's what my life has come down to... relying on luck based on a coin whose words I can't even read!

It's even difficult for me to decide which side is heads and which is tails!

What a day! I've got a splitting headache.

(Since then I learned that the infamous Ladyboy boxer has had a sex change! Recently I read that the Thai record firm GMM Grammy Plc and Singapore-based Spicy Apple Films will begin co-production of "Beautiful Boxer" in mid 2002, Grammy said in a statement received by Reuters on Wednesday.

The action drama will be based on the real-life story of 20-year-old transsexual Parinya Charoenphol, who fought since the age of 12 to earn money for his sex change operation.

"Believing he's a girl trapped in a boy's body since childhood, Parinya...sets out to master the most masculine and lethal sport of Thai boxing to achieve his ultimate goal of total femininity," the statement said.

The shooting will be done in Thailand, Japan and Singapore with Thai, English and Japanese dialogue.)

Read more, and take a look at her.