Excerpts about Thai cuisine by Greg Eismin

I wonder if Thai food in Thailand is mundane.  I mean talk about common.  Oh yeah, I'm Thai, I live in Thailand and I eat Thai food, every single Thai day of the Thai week.  Hell yah, that must get real old real quick.  Fortunately Thailand has a lot of exotic Foreign food.  And they deliver!  McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Dominos, Ohhhhh yeah.

But here's the sticking point to many travelers (the new ones who know nothing, I might add).  They always say "Ohhhhhh, but I didn't travel all this way to eat at McDonalds!!!  I can order a pizza at home!!"  Well, hey, YOU CAN'T.  Unpack your mental baggage and open yourself to new experiences!  Lets do this little test.  Pick up your phone and call up your local McDonalds.  Tell them you want some food delivered to your house.  Have they hung up on you yet?  Tell them you want a Samurai Pork Burger and a corn pie.  Better throw in a Hot Basil Burger.  And what order is complete without a Big Mac in the classic, traditional styrofoam container?

Ohhhhhh, styrofoam, baaaaaad.  Okay.  We can call up Dominoes instead.  First off, tell them you want some seafood spaghetti.  They'll say yes, cause it's no joke, they really have it.  Order the Gangster torpedo pizza which has amongst other toppings faux sushi and Salad Creme.  Since there is the two for one offer go ahead and order the Hot Chicken Bomb Pizza.  Don't worry why here is an inordinate amount of pizza with ordinance in the name.  Eating is our business.  Now, having completed the order hang up and hope they are more than 30 min late so we get a 60 baht off coupon on the next order.  When the pizza arrives on time, don't tip the driver, cause you are not supposed to tip in Thailand.  Of course, you generally don't get good service either.

I digress.  The point regarding internationally branded fast food is this:  Don't pooh pooh your platters just because you think you know what they are about.  It's a small symptom of a larger problem.  Without scolding or lecturing let just say to be careful of the things you THINK you know.  Here are the two bits that'll help you have a healthy and safe trip.  Let's say them together. "Everything here is the same only different" and "Greg, as your host, in reality knows nothing.  And the things he does know are wrong."

• Late night, jet lagged and can't sleep?  How about a trip to 7/11?  AM? PM?  You can sit there and drink as many beers as you want out of the fridge at 3 am in the morning.  Not that I'd recommend it except for in the summer months when the air-conditioning is very nice.  And they'll usually have some noodle slinger waiting for your custom outside.
• Indian food:  Okay, we've got the Ram India Restaurant by the house. They don't have a menu.  Just tell them in Hindi what you want.  Otherwise you can point at what they have offered in the display case.  About the only English they speak is "You want roti?"  to which the correct answer is "Yes" and hold up as many fingers as you can.  You are on the juggernaught to gastronomical Nirvana.
• The Viking:  Ahh.  This joint holds a special place in my heart.  Besides serving some of the coldest beer to be had in BKK it has a huge variety of local cuisine and a menu in English.  A college kid hangout, it used to be a lot smokier but nowadays they're making the young soon to be dead kids smoke outside.  A great place to people watch and eavesdrop.

Ahh... a place called BANGKOK.  God, you can't swing a dead rat without hitting something to eat.  Love this place.